Firearms
(this is a page about Firearms, not to be confused with FireArms ) Firearms (most commonly 'guns') are the easiest, laziest, lamest and most cowardly way to kill someone or protect yourself and others. More effective (at being Awesome) ways include super-punching, swords, martial arts, voodoo, gypsy curse, chainsaws, the Gods, lazers, or ancient prophecy. Guns can be awesome, for example by using gun fu, but most people erroneously believe that owning a gun, or many guns, makes them awesome. In point of fact since so many people are doing this, it actually increases the odds that they are totes Tame-ass Karate. These deluded losers will cling to their guns with their cold dead hands, which will probably end up being the case since people with guns are more likely to: *shoot themselves *get shot by a cop *escalate a situation with an armed bad guy and get themselves shot *falsely assume others are also carrying guns *shoot a teenager in a hoodie for looking different *leave the gun around so that their kid shoots them or themselves or a school full of kids *be a douchenozzle who brags about how many guns they have *be an unstable lunatic who waves their gun around like in the Big Lebowski, that scene was great, though That is not, of course, to say that all gun owners are nuts. Not by a long shot. Most are responsible, accountable, moral, upstanding productive members of society. If you or someone you know owns guns, the odds of them going on a gun murdering rampage are actually very low. When we look at the numbers, the facts don't bear out stereotyping gun owners as lone wolf mass shooters, monstrous snipers, spree killers or murderer-suiciders. It's a very small group within that group. You never know which ones it might be, however, so be suspicious of everyone. But you know which group of people never murder people with guns? People who don't have guns. You can always trust a person who doesn't have a gun to not kill you with a gun. (But I'd be wary of giving them boxcutters.) In fact, while there are a mere 400,000 gun crimes committed a year, over eighteen trillion people are horrifically killed by hammers every second . So there. On the other hand, 100% of gun crimes are commited with a gun. And in 100% of those cases, the gun was fired by a person holding a gun. If you are a potential murderous bloodthirsty gun-crazed lunatic, there is a way for you to still be a moral, upstanding productive member of society without having to subvert your violent urges and 2nd Amerndment rights. Join the Army. If for some reason you are deemed too homicidal and/or psychotic to get into the military, fear not. The NRA and other moral, upstanding lobbyists and politicians have spent hundreds of millions of dollars over the years to ensure that every mental degenerate or possible terrorist can purchase a gun. This is based on a literal reading of this: :: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." You know, well-regulated militias, like, the random and unaffiliated theatre and school shooters across the country. Arms, of course, are not just limited to guns. The term could also include fully-armed drones, weaponized smallpox, nuclear arms, chemical weapons (including but not limited to Sarin gas, Agent Orange, mustard gas, and white phosphorus), SARs, ricin, pressure cooker bombs, IEDs, ICBMs, thermite, napalm, and hijacked airplanes. If your right to keep and bear such Arms has been infringed, you should revolt against the government immediately. Examples of infringement may include; any attempt at reasonable regulation, background checks, registration, gun-owner's insurance, keeping felons or the mentally unfit from giving us money exercising their freedoms, or anything that goes against the infallible and unbiased gun manufacturers. They alone should decide how to interpret the 2nd Amendment. Not some activist judge''. '' Judges interpreting the Constitution? That's downright unconstitutional! Researchers have also proven that owning and firing a gun will make up for the fact that you have a small penis. Women, who are already inherently Awesome, are exponentially more bad ass when firing a gun. But this is also true of martial arts, swords and other aforementioned activities. Water Guns Water guns are so dangerous that not only will police shoot you for wielding one (if you're black) but the United States government is stockpiling them for some mysterious purpose. Nerf Guns Tiny Guns Weaknesses Category:Weapons Category:Things Category:Revengerist Labs